Shaving My Hair After Chemotherapy

650 Shaved head with spot eraser

My mother had beautiful, long hair when I was growing up. She told me, “Your father loves long hair,” and she smiled. Her beautiful hair stays in my memory, so I enjoy growing my hair long, too.
I also found out that by having long hair, I did not have to go get my hair cut too often. It was perfect for someone lazy like me to go get a haircut every two to three months.

 

650 My long hair

Before I cut my hair

 

When I had ovarian cancer 24 years ago, one of my good friends said, “It will be so sad to see you lose your beautiful, long hair from chemotherapy.” Fortunately, I did not have to take chemotherapy to treat the cancer, so I didn’t deal with losing hair that time.

Recently, I was diagnosed with cancer of Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) Primary non-Hodgkin of Liver, Stage IV because of Hepatitis C that I got from the blood transfusion result of the car accident in 2001.

I did my best to heal with macrobiotic food and other natural remedies, but the cancer was growing too fast, so I had to make a decision to take chemotherapy. There are many side effects, and one of them was losing hair. I did not know what to think about losing my hair. It was a somewhat scary thought, since I’ve loved having my hair long most of my life. But when I saw my hair was falling out slowly everyday, I knew it was time for me to just shave.

 

I had an image of the famous Sinéad O’Connor’s shaved head and told myself it would maybe grow into a short Annie Lennox hairstyle after chemotherapy. They are beautiful women, so I did not feel so bad. I also researched famous women who shaved their heads, and surprisingly, there were so many of them. You can check also, if you are curious like me.

 

How did I do it? First, I cut my hair shorter to adjust my emotional shock. I let it stay that way for one week and got ready to shave.

650 In my garden

Cut my hair shorter first and enjoying gardening

 

Who shaved my hair?

Eric!

He has been shaving his hair, so I asked him. First he said, “I don’t know how to shave nicely.” I said that shaving is one way: just shaven. There is one style I am looking for: “short.” So he said, “Okay, let’s see.”

 

It was a perfectly warm day to be out on the back deck. Sunlight was reflecting off my head, and I felt warm as he was shaving.

 

650 IMG_8120

Beautiful day to be out on the deck to shave my hair

 

 

650 IMG_8121

The first shaved!

 

650 Eric shaving my hairShaving my hair with fun!

 

Most people said I look like a Buddhist monk. I am not sure if I got enlightenment from shaving my head, but I am getting used to it. Now I scrub my head every morning and night when I do my body scrub, and I love it. I also massage my scalp, and it feels so good.

 

 

650 CR IMG_8160

Shave head is done!

 

My everyday goal is making this chemotherapy period be one of my best experiences.

 

Love, Sanae

 

Thank you for your prayers and continuous support!

We are grateful and invite you to help us at this time by YouCaring Fundraisng to Support Sanae’s Recovery from Cancer or purchasing our books directly from us to cover my medical expenses.

 

Here are our books:

Love, Sanae

Love-Sanae-front-cover

 

Love, Eric and Sanae

love-es-front-cover

 

Love, Eric Revised

love-eric-revised-the-front-cover

 

Healthy Happy Pooch

HHP-book-front-cover

 

My post mailing address for sending your card, gift or check (check payable to Eric Lechasseru):

2610A 23rd St.

Santa Monica, CA 90405

 

I will not be able to personally reply to each person, but I promise I will read everyone’s messages, emails, and cards.

 

Love, Sanae 💖

Only Weeks to Live

650 Sky & clouds

After a CT scan, biopsy, and one more test to do—a PET/CT scan—I was going to decide what kind of treatment to do for the cancer I was diagnosed Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) Primary non-Hodgkin of Liver, stage IV (cause was Hepatitis C that I got from the blood transfusion result of the car accident in 2001).

650 After biopcy

Biopsy: Two areas of the liver

I was already so weak from the CT scan test and biopsy procedure (I had so much pain after biopcy). I was not able to take the PET/CT scan test as I’d planned, but finally I got strong enough to go on April 27. I am very sensitive to chemicals, synthetic medicines, household products and skin products, so it is a challenge for me to take any test at hospitals or clinics.

Everytime I had to take CT or PET scan I had to drink a liquid that contains either barium or a substance called Gastrografin (diatrizoate meglumine and diatrizoate sodium liquid). Barium and Gastrografin are both chemicals that help doctors get better images of my stomach and bowels. Barium has a chalky taste and texture. They had natural flavor one, but it was artificial flavor of course and I had to drink two bottle of 450ml. I felt vomiting, but nothing comes up since I had to fasting for 20 hours.

One of the two barium sulfate containers I need to drink before my CT scan

Photo: One of the two barium sulfate containers I need to drink before my CT/PET scan

When a nurse put iodine into my vein, I felt a sensation of pain all over my body. I felt that I needed a human touch, so I had to ask him to hold my hand. He looked at me first like, What are you asking me? That is not in my job description. But he held on to a few of my fingers. I wish he’d held my whole hand, but it worked, and I felt much better in a minute or so. I let his fingers go and said, “Thank you!” He did not say anything and walked away. It is a simple human act to me, but it may be the first time a patient has asked him to hold a hand.

 

After the PET/CT scan procedure was done, I asked the technician when I would get the results. He said not too long—that my doctor’s office would contact me when it came out, so I should wait. I wanted to make sure, so I repeated, “I do not need to call? They will call me?” He said yes.

 

Most of the test results took a few days to one week, so I was waiting. On May 10, I realized it had already been two weeks, but I had not heard from my doctor’s office. I called the hospital and found out the shocking news. The results were out on May 1 (10 days prior), but the doctor would not release them unless I made an appointment to come see him. I told them I was not instructed do so and was waiting, waiting and waiting. They also said he would be out on vacation, so I would not be able to see him till June 6. What? What did I hear now? I just could not believe what I was hearing. I needed to know the result now, so I would know what is going on.

 

They said someone would contact me to take care of the matter. I got a phone call from my oncologist’s assistant, who said the doctor could see me on May 30 instead of June 6. She would send the test result by post mail, since the record would not be online for another week. I could not believe it, but I was so exhausted with all this nonsense that I had no strength to argue.

 

I was trying to think that maybe the result was better, and that is why he did not contact me. As I wrote in the last blog, I did not think this doctor was a match for me. But I’d found only one doctor who’s had experience with this type of cancer; he is in Boston, and it was not easy for me to make a telephone appointment with him. So, I was sticking with the first doctor I had.

 

I received the PET/CT scan result by post mail, and it showed that cancer was taking almost all the liver.

I was getting weaker, day by day, and after May 10, I had so much pain throughout my liver. Every morning when I woke up, I looked at the sky and said, “Maybe I will not make it today.” But I said, “Sanae, not today! Today is for you to live!”

650 Sky & clouds

I love sky and clouds

 

Every morning when I woke up, I looked at the sky and said, “Maybe I will not make it today.” But I said, “Sanae, not today! Today is for you to live!”

 

When I had a near-fatal car crash in 2001, I felt like I might die. It is not a feeling you can explain, but you just know inside—feelings of fading away and not being able to grasp the moment of spirit here with my body on this earth. I was not really scared at that time, but I felt that I needed to choose what I want to do.

I felt that this was happening again—that I might not make it, and I have to do something.

 

I managed to celebrate Eric’s 50th birthday on the 15th. We had a quiet but great time by the ocean, our favorite place. (I had planned a big party for him at the end of the month, but it never happened, since I ended up being in the hospital.)

650 Eric & B Card 05-15-17

Eric’s 50th birthday by the beach

 

But when the next day came, I really felt that my life was coming to an end unless I find a new doctor/oncologist and act now!!!

 

I contacted good friends who could act right away and help me find a new doctor/oncologist. Two days later, the appointment for a new doctor came out of nowhere on May 19, at 1pm because the doctor had a cancellation. I was so weak, but Eric and two of my friends coordinate to take me with a wheelchair to a new oncologist’s office at 3:30 pm.

 

The oncologist explained the test result of PET/CT Scan very carefully, but directly and clearly. I felt she was a very compassionate person. When she found out I live a vegan, plant-based, macrobiotic lifestyle (no refined sugar) have not taken any medications for many years, have had no alcohol for 32 years, and do not smoke or consume coffee/caffeine, she said it means I am taking care of myself and am healthy, which is a good thing.

 

She gave me a choice of treatments. Since the cancer is so big and taking over almost all the liver, she suggested I do an aggressive, 24 hours a day five-day chemotherapy *EPOCH + Rituximab in the hospital right away.

* E – Etoposide
    P – Prednisone
    O – Oncovin (vincristine)
    C – Cyclophosphamide
    H – Hydroxydaunorubicin (doxorubicin)
    R – Rituximab

It is 24 hours a day and a long five-day treatment, but it is not big doze at one time/one day like R-Chop (cyclophosphamide, doxorubicin, vincristine, and prednisone, plus the monoclonal antibody rituximab – this was recommended by the first oncologist) so you receive treatment slowly and can monitor while you are receiving chemo to adjust the medications.

 

Eric asked what would happen if I did not do the treatment. Without hesitation, the oncologist said, “Sanae will die.”

Eric asked right a way, “How long does she have?”

The oncologist said “Weeks.”

I could hear Eric’s voice….“Not even one month?”

The oncologist confirmed: “Yes, less than one month.”

I could not see Eric’s face, but I could hear he was crying.

 

When I hear or see really scary things, I freeze and am not able to feel. I was not scared to hear I will die, but it is scary to see my love crying because I am dying. I never meant to harm him.

 

I was ready to take the treatment already, after wondering each morning whether or not I would make it. So, there was no question; I went to the hospital right away. The oncologist took care of everything, and I was admitted to UCLA Santa Monica Hospital by 5:30 pm.

 

It happened so fast, but I was feeling all right. Everything was good, even though I was not able to go back home to let my animal family know that I was going to be away for a while. I contacted them telepathically, and they all want me to get better.

 

Thank you for your prayers and continuous support.

We are grateful and invite you to help us at this time by YouCaring Fundraisng to Support Sanae’s Recovery from Cancer or purchasing our books directly from us to cover my medical expenses.

Here are our books:

Love, Sanae

Love-Sanae-front-cover

 

Love, Eric and Sanae

love-es-front-cover

 

Love, Eric Revised

love-eric-revised-the-front-cover

 

Healthy Happy Pooch

HHP-book-front-cover

 

My post mailing address for sending your card, gift or check:

2610A 23rd St.

Santa Monica, CA 90405

 

I will not be able to personally reply to each person, but I promise I will read everyone’s messages, emails, and cards.

Love, Sanae 💖

 

To be continued: My First Chemotherapy

Cancer is Back!

650 Sanae eting lunch CR

The oncologist said,
“You have *Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) Primary non-Hodgkin of Liver.
(* I found out later that I got this cancer because of Hepatitis C from the blood transfusion result of the car accident in 2001)

It is rare cancer. I recommend that you take R-CHOP, usually with a regimen of four drugs (cyclophosphamide, doxorubicin, vincristine, and prednisone), plus the monoclonal antibody rituximab (Rituxan). This regimen is most often given in cycles three weeks apart. Because this regimen contains the drug doxorubicin, which can damage the heart, it may not be suitable for patients with heart problems, so other chemo regimens may be used instead.”

He continued: “You can be in-patient at UCLA Hospital, so nurses and specialists will take care of everything to make sure for the first time, and you will be very comfortable there. I want you to make an appointment for chemotherapy right now and make a PET/CT appointment before chemotherapy.” He also said, very casually, “You need to take a bone marrow test.”

He did not stop. He asked me, “What kind of insurance do you have?”

His assistant said, “Ms. Suzuki has only Medicare.”

He said, “Medicare? That will not cover everything.
Do you have a secondary insurance to cover the rest of the cost?”
He looked down and continued, “Then you can be just out-patient to save money, but you must find your secondary insurance ASAP.”

 

Meanwhile, I did not say much.

The doctor said to my husband, Eric, “I think your wife is upset and not saying anything.

Well, you can think with her and decide on a chemotherapy date ASAP. Today, just do a blood test.”

 

I was shocked, confused, lost, and frozen. I did not want to say anything when I was in that state, and I did not really know what to say, either. I felt that the doctor’s voice was coming from far, far away. I knew I had to speak up to let him know how I felt… time was ticking.

I said, “I am not saying much because you just told me I have a very rare cancer. Don’t you know that I am shocked right now? I don’t think I can talk much now. I need time to digest this shocking, unexpected news.”

He said, “I understand, but the sooner you make a decision to do chemotherapy, the better.”

I asked him, “Do you ever have any patients who have same cancer as mine?” He said no. I asked if there was any way for him to find an oncologist who’d done treatment for this rare cancer. He said, “My three colleagues at UCLA who are lymphoma oncologists do no have experience with any patients with this rare lymphoma—so I don’t think so.”

 

I felt like he was a businessperson. I did not want to talk to him anymore, but I also did not want to leave the room with an uncomfortable feeling. So I said, “I have one thing I want to tell you before you leave: Your website photo is not so friendly, so you might want to change it.” He first looked at me like, What is she saying, but then he realized what I was talking about. He laughed and said, “I felt the same.” I was relieved to see he was able to laugh as a human.

 

I do not remember how I came home. I was too shocked to feel anything. I felt like I was trapped in a hole and could not seem to come out for a while again.

Slowly, my mind started to work and realized how serious this is for my life, Eric’s life, our animal family’s life, friends, family, students, and clients.

 

I first felt it couldn’t be cancer! What really happened to me?
No, I do not have cancer after 24 years cancer-free…
but the reality is that I have cancer again.

 

I am sad, disappointed, lost, confused, and scared once again. Silent—inside, I am calm and positive. Storm—my surface is chaotic and full of negative and insecure thoughts. I close my eyes and focus my breathing deep inside myself. I feel and hear what my surface is saying, acknowledge the thoughts, and move to focus more on my breathing. I repeat this over and over. Sometime later, I did not feel or hear negative or insecure thoughts.

 

I am shocked to find out I have cancer again, but I know I want to live—and I will live.

I am so grateful for 24 years of cancer-free life, and I’m now making an effort to accept my new journey and learn to live preciously all over again.

650 Sanae w Eric lunch

Photo: Eric brought his delicious lunch for me.

 

I know that even though I have been eating healthy lifestyle foods, like macrobiotic and/or whole, plant-based food, I am not going to live forever. Is this my time to go to heaven? No. I feel this is not my time yet.

 

Healing is multilayered; everything from emotions and beliefs, to the physical environment, affect our state of health.

 

From Louise Hay’s book Self Healing:

650 louise-hay-quotes-forgiveness-release-resentment

 

LIVER PROBLEMS (hepatitis): Resistance to change. Fear, anger, hatred. Liver is the seat of anger and rage.

Affirmation: My mind is cleansed and free. I leave the past and move into the new. All is well.

 

CANCER: What’s eating at you? Deep hurt, secrets, or grief.
Affirmation: I lovingly forgive and release all of the past. I choose to fill my life with joy. I love and approve of myself.

 

I need to let go of the past and take care of emotional wounds. It will take a big overhaul this time.

 

I found a new oncologist whom I could to talk to about my feelings and receive human compassion. The progress of the cancer was very fast and I was getting weaker by day. Macrobioitc and natural healing was not able to heal on time so I was admitted to UCLA Hospital in Santa Monica for chemotherapy treatments now.
I feel less stress so I feel more strength to move forward mentally.

I shall keep writing when I am able to do so.

650 Sanae UCLA admitted

Photo: Admitted to UCLA with V sign…I am so Japanese!

 

650 Sanae arm exersize

Photo: My routine arm exercise with a half pound weight.

 

650 Sanae w Yoko

Photo: Feeling good day, Yoko-san came to visit!

Thank you for your prayers and continuous support.

We are grateful and invite you to help us at this time by YouCaring Fundraisng to Support Sanae’s Recovery from Cancer or purchasing our books directly from us to cover my medical expenses.

Here are our books:

Love, Sanae

Love-Sanae-front-cover

 

Love, Eric and Sanae

love-es-front-cover

 

Love, Eric Revised

love-eric-revised-the-front-cover

 

Healthy Happy Pooch

HHP-book-front-cover

 

My post post mailing address for sending your card, gift or check:

2610A 23rd St.

Santa Monica, CA 90405

 

I will not be able to personally reply to each person, but I promise I will read everyone’s messages, emails, and cards.

Love, Sanae 💖

 

To be continued: “Only Weeks To Live”

How Important It Is to Have Whole Grains Everyday!

Whole Barley and Brown Rice

After I got ovarian cancer 24 years ago, I learned the macrobiotic way of life. I healed the cancer with macrobiotic foods, many holistic approaches, and a natural lifestyle. I also had a serious car crash 15 years ago. I was in a coma for three days, and since my left lung and heart were crushed, they stopped working several times. Both my knees and feet were also badly crushed. The doctor told me I would not be able to walk, but I did not give up; I continued macrobiotics.

 

I started to move around after one year of bedridden life. I was able to transfer my body to a wheelchair, so I eventually went to yoga class every week. I still have pain all the time and take care of my physical and emotional disability. I had to build a strong will and discipline my mind. Macrobiotic, well-cooked, whole-grain foods have helped me keep the core of my strength.

 

My husband Eric and I have been cooking most of our foods at home with carefully chosen, organic ingredients, including whole grains, beans, fresh produce, sea vegetables, seasoning (sea salt, miso and tamari—soy sauce with no gluten), and condiments (umeboshi plum, gomashio, tekka, etc.). Also, we live a lifestyle that fits our healthy minds and bodies. We are active. Eric goes to the beach for his SUP surfing every weekend and goes skiing in winter. I practice yoga, and since last year, I teach it.

 

Traveling is fun and exciting, but it is not possible to eat like at home. We eat things that we are not used to, so our bodies have to adjust. We can avoid meat and other animal foods, but oil, spices, preservatives, non-nutritious salt, refined sugar, artificial sweeteners, and more are not easy to identify—so we lose our health balance sometimes.

 

The trip we had this March was the cruise of Caribbean of MSC ship which also serves Holistic Holiday Cruise (they are also call macrobiotic cruises) food once a year, so we have had travel with Holistic Holiday twice before so we trusted that we’d be all right. But we were disappointed, because this time was different from what we had before. There were almost no whole grains (brown rice), leafy greens, or sea vegetables. It was definitely vegan, plant-based food, but not macrobiotic.

 

I enjoyed the trip with Eric’s mother, aunts, cousins and nephew, but I think I lost my balance doing too much. I walked too much in Jamaica, so I was exhausted, and my feet were in so much pain—but I did not rest and instead went to a recovery panel to speak. I went to the dining room, which was even colder than usual, and they served only white pasta with tomato sauce for the vegan table. I was shocked and went to my stateroom to take a hot shower, but I already had a fever of 102. Since I was a child, a fever is my body’s signal when I lose balance. Unable to eat whole grains this trip, I realized how I was not able to keep my balance. Since I could see the ocean everyday, I found a way to keep my balance through my meditation.

650 IMG_7705

With Eric’s mom, her sisters, and brother-in-law.

 

I was so happy to be home and welcomed by our dog and cat family. I am now taking time to recover from losing my health balance this time. I realized once again that the purest foods we can prepare are in our own kitchen. Whole grains are most important for a macrobiotic life.

Here are blogs I wrote about blogs with recipes:

Traditional Brown Rice Cooking without a Rice Cooker (well-cooked brown rice)

How Many Whole Grains Do you know Besides Brown Rice?

 

My goal for 2017 is not to push too much, so I postponed the pickle-making class—but I hope to offer it soon.

Here is a pickle recipe blog for you, in case you were looking forward to coming to the pickle-making class.

 

With gratitude to be healthy and happy!

—Sanae

Grief

650 Sanae with Kula copy

If any of you read my blogs about my beloved dog daughter, Kula—who departed last August—you know I was sad and missing her. I took a time to take care of my inner self and also put together Kula’s ceremony on her 49th day, according to Buddhist tradition. I invited many of Kula’s friends and people who loved her. You can read about it here and see a YouTube video of the ceremony here.

 

I heard that by Buddhist tradition, I must not cry after the 100-day ceremony. I did not think I took the tradition so seriously, but after November 9, Kula’s 100-day ceremony, I not only stopped crying, but I also stopped talking or writing about her. It was not intentional, but Thanksgiving and the holidays were coming, so I must have felt it was not a good time to share my sad feelings with anyone. I kept all the memories of Kula inside of me.

 

650 Kula with geta

photo: Kula wearing my wood sandals at her favorite place – the beach!

 

I gradually started to feel numb and did not feel “Sanae.” Sanae is usually excited every morning, motivated about the day, and she is curious. But I had no excited feeling and no motivation or curiosity anymore. I thought it was just holiday blues, which I do feel almost every year. So, I kept doing my usual things—teaching, counseling, taking dogs for walks, and practice my yoga.

 

About a week before Christmas, Eric got sick (which was unbelievable, because the last time he got sick and took a day off was in 1992 when he first moved to Los Angeles.) He had to go to Utah for his cooking job the day after Christmas, so I took care of him with my best ability. He had to take only one day off from work; he got better and went to Utah. But I was getting a high fever and stayed home alone with the dogs and cats for seven days. I got a little better, so I wrote my final 2016 newsletter to my friends and family. I was hoping to get better soon after I wrote the newsletter. It took another week or so, but I got better and taught cooking classes, did counseling, etc.

 

In mid-January, we found out we had a flood in our mountain cabin in North Fork, California. It was lots of work for Eric to clean and make trenches, so I cooked and took care of our dogs and cats. Then I got a fever again for one week; it ended but came back again last week. After more than a month, I decided to go get some tests done. My main symptom was a fever of 100–102. I had some sore throat and a little cough, but nothing major—except I was not able to eat my favorite foods, like brown rice, miso soup and twig tea (kukicha). Also, my sleeping pattern had changed. I was able to do most of the housework and things I normally do, except when I had a high fever. But I did not want to socialize much, and I got tired very easily and had no motivation to do music or new or physical things. I just wanted to go see the ocean and be with my dog and cat family. I did not feel like I was depressed (I went through depression before, so I usually notice if I am feeling that way).

 

It took a while, but I realized I was going through “grief.” I was grieving for Kula! I was thinking about her most of the day. I remembered her with everything I did and everywhere I went since she had been my service dog when I was in a wheelchair.

 

I knew I was feeling very sad and missing Kula a lot, but I thought I was doing all right. I have sent many dogs and cats to heaven since I was 8 years old. Of course, I was sad and missed each of them, but I was able to process the sadness every time, so I did not think I was going through “grief” for Kula. Also, I still have five other dogs and two cats, so I felt bad missing Kula so much. I told myself that I can’t miss her so much—an excuse not to feel my sadness. That’s how I completely stopped talking about her.

 

Since finding out that I must be grieving for Kula, I have been reading a book about grief and learning how to process it and find self-support meetings and workshops. The book told me that in order to deal with grief, I need to talk about my sadness and pain and how much I miss Kula—which is a relief because whenever I talk about her, my heart is lifted and open. The book also says, “Sadness and joy are part of your memories.”

 

What I have learned so far from The Grief Recovery Handbook  – John W. James and Russell Friedman

650 Grief book IMG_7567

Myths About Grief

Most of us, over the course of our lifetime, have heard at least one of the following statements after a loss:

  • Time Heals All Wounds. You may still be grieving after losing someone five, 10 or 20 years ago. Does it hurt any less? Do you miss that person any less? Probably not. For some, the pain may get even worse. Time definitely does not heal all our pain. Yes—I thought after Kula had been departed 100 days, I should be okay.
  • Grieve Alone. We have been taught that we are not to burden others with our grief. I felt that way after the suicides of two friends. You don’t want to bother others with your sadness, so you keep it to yourself. In some cases, you reach out to others, but they don’t know what to do to help you. As a result, you feel lost and alone, so you isolate yourself as a way of handling the grief that others can’t. Grieving alone certainly, doesn’t work. Yes—I did not want to bother people, and I just stayed alone.
  • Be Strong. If you are the oldest child in your family, you know this one well. If something happens, you have to be the strong one for your younger siblings. You have to suck it up and not show your emotions. Heaven forbid the younger ones to see you crying. What sort of message does that send? Maybe they will think you are weak instead of just plain sad. Trying to be strong just gives the wrong message that you are trying not to be human. Yes—as long as I stayed strong, I was all right.
  • Don’t Feel Bad. How many of us have been told as a child not to cry when something bad happened? Rather than expressing our emotions, we were told to hold it in. I think many of the generations before us were never allowed to show their feelings. Men joined the military and were told to check their emotions at the door. Some children have never seen their parents cry. No wonder they grow into adults who can’t deal with their own emotions. Yes—it has been a while, so I should not feel sad.
  • Replace the Loss. I am pretty sure most of my generation has heard after a relationship breakup, “Don’t feel bad; there are plenty of fish in the sea.” I’m not sure if that was supposed to make us feel better, but in actuality, it made it worse. It implies that we should not wait and grieve over the loss of the relationship, but instead move on right away and replace the old one with a new one. That can’t be healthy. Maybe that is why so many people have a revolving door in relationships—maybe even two at one time, in case one of them doesn’t work out. No wonder there are so many divorces these days. This one did not fit me.
  • Keep Busy. Speaking from experience, I can say I became a workaholic just so I didn’t have to think after the suicides of my two friends. Keep busy. Keep working. Don’t think about it. It’s much easier than facing your grief. In reality, it’s worse, because you don’t end up facing your grief at all. Yes—I thought as long as I kept busy, I was all right.

 

All relationships are unique—no comparison and no exceptions.

I am also reading The Grief Recovery Handbook for Pet Loss  – John W. James, Russell Friedman and John W. James

Grief book pets

I started to talk about Kula a little bit again, and I am writing about my feelings and letting some friends know what I am going through, which is helping me.

I went to see the new movie A Dog’s Purpose. I cried a lot and thought about Kula and miss her a lot.

Now I started to talk to Kula once again and using animal communications that I have learned. She supports my feelings and told me “Mommy, I love you and miss you too. Please take all your time, you are all right! I am here for you no matter what.”

I am thinking of trying a support group meeting or taking a workshop to learn more.

If any of you are interested here is their website.

 

Bach Flower remedy and a homeopathic remedy are also very good to take during grieving period, as well as using essential oil and a healing crystal power stone. I would like to share about it in my next blog.

 

If you are going through grieving, please share also!

 

With my love,

Sanae

 

Bach Flower for Holidays’ Stress

650-christmas-cuctus-img_0136

Ohhhh, the end of the season of holidays is here again.

I may look like a fun person who loves to socialize, but I actually am not so good with holidays and lots of people, so the end of the year can be very stressful for me.
I have been helping myself using Bach Flower Remedy since 1993 after I was diagnosed ovarian cancer. Bach Flower Remedy have been helping my stress, PTSD, addiction and other mental/emotional issues.

Depending on each person’s mental/mind and emotional conditions remedy changes, but generally, I recommend below three Bach Flower remedies for the holiday season . This remedy also helps furry animals (dogs, cats, other animals and plants).

Rescue Remedy – helps overall stress.

White Chestnut – helps deal with repeated, unwanted thoughts, mental arguments, concentration, sleeplessness, and insomnia.

Walnut – helps for protection from outside influences and energies.

650-bf-holidays-mixed

The key is mixing all three remedies together in a Bach Flower Mixing bottle (2oz) with purified water.

Mixing directions:

Add 4 drops of Rescue Remedy, 2 drops each of White Chestnut and Walnut.

Bach Flower helped me so much for my recovery so I really wanted to learn more about Bach Flower and I decided to study in 1995 and became a Bach Flower Center’s registered practitioner in 2001. I have been offering Bach Flower Remedy consultation in a person or by phone/Skype/Facetime.
If you are interested, contact me at Sanaehealing@gmail.com.