Healing | | Page 3

Cancer is Back!

The oncologist said,
“You have *Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) Primary non-Hodgkin of Liver.
(* I found out later that I got this cancer because of Hepatitis C from the blood transfusion result of the car accident in 2001)

It is rare cancer. I recommend that you take R-CHOP, usually with a regimen of four drugs (cyclophosphamide, doxorubicin, vincristine, and prednisone), plus the monoclonal antibody rituximab (Rituxan). This regimen is most often given in cycles three weeks apart. Because this regimen contains the drug doxorubicin, which can damage the heart, it may not be suitable for patients with heart problems, so other chemo regimens may be used instead.”

He continued: “You can be in-patient at UCLA Hospital, so nurses and specialists will take care of everything to make sure for the first time, and you will be very comfortable there. I want you to make an appointment for chemotherapy right now and make a PET/CT appointment before chemotherapy.” He also said, very casually, “You need to take a bone marrow test.”

He did not stop. He asked me, “What kind of insurance do you have?”

His assistant said, “Ms. Suzuki has only Medicare.”

He said, “Medicare? That will not cover everything.
Do you have a secondary insurance to cover the rest of the cost?”
He looked down and continued, “Then you can be just out-patient to save money, but you must find your secondary insurance ASAP.”

Meanwhile, I did not say much.

The doctor said to my husband, Eric, “I think your wife is upset and not saying anything.

Well, you can think with her and decide on a chemotherapy date ASAP. Today, just do a blood test.”

I was shocked, confused, lost, and frozen. I did not want to say anything when I was in that state, and I did not really know what to say, either. I felt that the doctor’s voice was coming from far, far away. I knew I had to speak up to let him know how I felt… time was ticking.

I said, “I am not saying much because you just told me I have a very rare cancer. Don’t you know that I am shocked right now? I don’t think I can talk much now. I need time to digest this shocking, unexpected news.”

He said, “I understand, but the sooner you make a decision to do chemotherapy, the better.”

I asked him, “Do you ever have any patients who have same cancer as mine?” He said no. I asked if there was any way for him to find an oncologist who’d done treatment for this rare cancer. He said, “My three colleagues at UCLA who are lymphoma oncologists do no have experience with any patients with this rare lymphoma—so I don’t think so.”

I felt like he was a businessperson. I did not want to talk to him anymore, but I also did not want to leave the room with an uncomfortable feeling. So I said, “I have one thing I want to tell you before you leave: Your website photo is not so friendly, so you might want to change it.” He first looked at me like, What is she saying, but then he realized what I was talking about. He laughed and said, “I felt the same.” I was relieved to see he was able to laugh as a human.

I do not remember how I came home. I was too shocked to feel anything. I felt like I was trapped in a hole and could not seem to come out for a while again.

Slowly, my mind started to work and realized how serious this is for my life, Eric’s life, our animal family’s life, friends, family, students, and clients.

I first felt it couldn’t be cancer! What really happened to me?
No, I do not have cancer after 24 years cancer-free…
but the reality is that I have cancer again.

I am sad, disappointed, lost, confused, and scared once again. Silent—inside, I am calm and positive. Storm—my surface is chaotic and full of negative and insecure thoughts. I close my eyes and focus my breathing deep inside myself. I feel and hear what my surface is saying, acknowledge the thoughts, and move to focus more on my breathing. I repeat this over and over. Sometime later, I did not feel or hear negative or insecure thoughts.

I am shocked to find out I have cancer again, but I know I want to live—and I will live.

I am so grateful for 24 years of cancer-free life, and I’m now making an effort to accept my new journey and learn to live preciously all over again.

Photo: Eric brought his delicious lunch for me.

I know that even though I have been eating healthy lifestyle foods, like macrobiotic and/or whole, plant-based food, I am not going to live forever. Is this my time to go to heaven? No. I feel this is not my time yet.

Healing is multilayered; everything from emotions and beliefs, to the physical environment, affect our state of health.

From Louise Hay’s book Self Healing:

LIVER PROBLEMS (hepatitis): Resistance to change. Fear, anger, hatred. Liver is the seat of anger and rage.

Affirmation: My mind is cleansed and free. I leave the past and move into the new. All is well.

CANCER: What’s eating at you? Deep hurt, secrets, or grief.
Affirmation: I lovingly forgive and release all of the past. I choose to fill my life with joy. I love and approve of myself.

I need to let go of the past and take care of emotional wounds. It will take a big overhaul this time.

I found a new oncologist whom I could to talk to about my feelings and receive human compassion. The progress of the cancer was very fast and I was getting weaker by day. Macrobioitc and natural healing was not able to heal on time so I was admitted to UCLA Hospital in Santa Monica for chemotherapy treatments now.
I feel less stress so I feel more strength to move forward mentally.

I shall keep writing when I am able to do so.

Photo: Admitted to UCLA with V sign…I am so Japanese!

Photo: My routine arm exercise with a half pound weight.

Photo: Feeling good day, Yoko-san came to visit!

Thank you for your prayers and continuous support.

We are grateful and invite you to help us at this time by YouCaring Fundraisng to Support Sanae’s Recovery from Cancer or purchasing our books directly from us to cover my medical expenses.

Here are our books:

Love, Sanae

Love, Eric and Sanae

Love, Eric Revised

Healthy Happy Pooch

My post post mailing address for sending your card, gift or check:

2610A 23^rd St.

Santa Monica, CA 90405

I will not be able to personally reply to each person, but I promise I will read everyone’s messages, emails, and cards.

Love, Sanae 💖

To be continued: “Only Weeks To Live”

How Important It Is to Have Whole Grains Everyday!

After I got ovarian cancer 24 years ago, I learned the macrobiotic way of life. I healed the cancer with macrobiotic foods, many holistic approaches, and a natural lifestyle. I also had a serious car crash 15 years ago. I was in a coma for three days, and since my left lung and heart were crushed, they stopped working several times. Both my knees and feet were also badly crushed. The doctor told me I would not be able to walk, but I did not give up; I continued macrobiotics.

I started to move around after one year of bedridden life. I was able to transfer my body to a wheelchair, so I eventually went to yoga class every week. I still have pain all the time and take care of my physical and emotional disability. I had to build a strong will and discipline my mind. Macrobiotic, well-cooked, whole-grain foods have helped me keep the core of my strength.

My husband Eric and I have been cooking most of our foods at home with carefully chosen, organic ingredients, including whole grains, beans, fresh produce, sea vegetables, seasoning (sea salt, miso and tamari—soy sauce with no gluten), and condiments (umeboshi plum, gomashio, tekka, etc.). Also, we live a lifestyle that fits our healthy minds and bodies. We are active. Eric goes to the beach for his SUP surfing every weekend and goes skiing in winter. I practice yoga, and since last year, I teach it.

Traveling is fun and exciting, but it is not possible to eat like at home. We eat things that we are not used to, so our bodies have to adjust. We can avoid meat and other animal foods, but oil, spices, preservatives, non-nutritious salt, refined sugar, artificial sweeteners, and more are not easy to identify—so we lose our health balance sometimes.

The trip we had this March was the cruise of Caribbean of MSC ship which also serves Holistic Holiday Cruise (they are also call macrobiotic cruises) food once a year, so we have had travel with Holistic Holiday twice before so we trusted that we’d be all right. But we were disappointed, because this time was different from what we had before. There were almost no whole grains (brown rice), leafy greens, or sea vegetables. It was definitely vegan, plant-based food, but not macrobiotic.

I enjoyed the trip with Eric’s mother, aunts, cousins and nephew, but I think I lost my balance doing too much. I walked too much in Jamaica, so I was exhausted, and my feet were in so much pain—but I did not rest and instead went to a recovery panel to speak. I went to the dining room, which was even colder than usual, and they served only white pasta with tomato sauce for the vegan table. I was shocked and went to my stateroom to take a hot shower, but I already had a fever of 102. Since I was a child, a fever is my body’s signal when I lose balance. Unable to eat whole grains this trip, I realized how I was not able to keep my balance. Since I could see the ocean everyday, I found a way to keep my balance through my meditation.

With Eric’s mom, her sisters, and brother-in-law.

I was so happy to be home and welcomed by our dog and cat family. I am now taking time to recover from losing my health balance this time. I realized once again that the purest foods we can prepare are in our own kitchen. Whole grains are most important for a macrobiotic life.

Here are blogs I wrote about blogs with recipes:

Traditional Brown Rice Cooking without a Rice Cooker (well-cooked brown rice)

How Many Whole Grains Do you know Besides Brown Rice?

My goal for 2017 is not to push too much, so I postponed the pickle-making class—but I hope to offer it soon.

Here is a pickle recipe blog for you, in case you were looking forward to coming to the pickle-making class.

With gratitude to be healthy and happy!

—Sanae

Grief

If any of you read my blogs about my beloved dog daughter, Kula—who departed last August—you know I was sad and missing her. I took a time to take care of my inner self and also put together Kula’s ceremony on her 49^th day, according to Buddhist tradition. I invited many of Kula’s friends and people who loved her. You can read about it here and see a YouTube video of the ceremony here.

I heard that by Buddhist tradition, I must not cry after the 100-day ceremony. I did not think I took the tradition so seriously, but after November 9, Kula’s 100-day ceremony, I not only stopped crying, but I also stopped talking or writing about her. It was not intentional, but Thanksgiving and the holidays were coming, so I must have felt it was not a good time to share my sad feelings with anyone. I kept all the memories of Kula inside of me.

photo: Kula wearing my wood sandals at her favorite place – the beach!

I gradually started to feel numb and did not feel “Sanae.” Sanae is usually excited every morning, motivated about the day, and she is curious. But I had no excited feeling and no motivation or curiosity anymore. I thought it was just holiday blues, which I do feel almost every year. So, I kept doing my usual things—teaching, counseling, taking dogs for walks, and practice my yoga.

About a week before Christmas, Eric got sick (which was unbelievable, because the last time he got sick and took a day off was in 1992 when he first moved to Los Angeles.) He had to go to Utah for his cooking job the day after Christmas, so I took care of him with my best ability. He had to take only one day off from work; he got better and went to Utah. But I was getting a high fever and stayed home alone with the dogs and cats for seven days. I got a little better, so I wrote my final 2016 newsletter to my friends and family. I was hoping to get better soon after I wrote the newsletter. It took another week or so, but I got better and taught cooking classes, did counseling, etc.

In mid-January, we found out we had a flood in our mountain cabin in North Fork, California. It was lots of work for Eric to clean and make trenches, so I cooked and took care of our dogs and cats. Then I got a fever again for one week; it ended but came back again last week. After more than a month, I decided to go get some tests done. My main symptom was a fever of 100–102. I had some sore throat and a little cough, but nothing major—except I was not able to eat my favorite foods, like brown rice, miso soup and twig tea (kukicha). Also, my sleeping pattern had changed. I was able to do most of the housework and things I normally do, except when I had a high fever. But I did not want to socialize much, and I got tired very easily and had no motivation to do music or new or physical things. I just wanted to go see the ocean and be with my dog and cat family. I did not feel like I was depressed (I went through depression before, so I usually notice if I am feeling that way).

It took a while, but I realized I was going through “grief.” I was grieving for Kula! I was thinking about her most of the day. I remembered her with everything I did and everywhere I went since she had been my service dog when I was in a wheelchair.

I knew I was feeling very sad and missing Kula a lot, but I thought I was doing all right. I have sent many dogs and cats to heaven since I was 8 years old. Of course, I was sad and missed each of them, but I was able to process the sadness every time, so I did not think I was going through “grief” for Kula. Also, I still have five other dogs and two cats, so I felt bad missing Kula so much. I told myself that I can’t miss her so much—an excuse not to feel my sadness. That’s how I completely stopped talking about her.

Since finding out that I must be grieving for Kula, I have been reading a book about grief and learning how to process it and find self-support meetings and workshops. The book told me that in order to deal with grief, I need to talk about my sadness and pain and how much I miss Kula—which is a relief because whenever I talk about her, my heart is lifted and open. The book also says, “Sadness and joy are part of your memories.”

What I have learned so far from The Grief Recovery Handbook – John W. James and Russell Friedman

Myths About Grief

Most of us, over the course of our lifetime, have heard at least one of the following statements after a loss:

Time Heals All Wounds. You may still be grieving after losing someone five, 10 or 20 years ago. Does it hurt any less? Do you miss that person any less? Probably not. For some, the pain may get even worse. Time definitely does not heal all our pain. Yes—I thought after Kula had been departed 100 days, I should be okay.
Grieve Alone. We have been taught that we are not to burden others with our grief. I felt that way after the suicides of two friends. You don’t want to bother others with your sadness, so you keep it to yourself. In some cases, you reach out to others, but they don’t know what to do to help you. As a result, you feel lost and alone, so you isolate yourself as a way of handling the grief that others can’t. Grieving alone certainly, doesn’t work. Yes—I did not want to bother people, and I just stayed alone.
Be Strong. If you are the oldest child in your family, you know this one well. If something happens, you have to be the strong one for your younger siblings. You have to suck it up and not show your emotions. Heaven forbid the younger ones to see you crying. What sort of message does that send? Maybe they will think you are weak instead of just plain sad. Trying to be strong just gives the wrong message that you are trying not to be human. Yes—as long as I stayed strong, I was all right.
Don’t Feel Bad. How many of us have been told as a child not to cry when something bad happened? Rather than expressing our emotions, we were told to hold it in. I think many of the generations before us were never allowed to show their feelings. Men joined the military and were told to check their emotions at the door. Some children have never seen their parents cry. No wonder they grow into adults who can’t deal with their own emotions. Yes—it has been a while, so I should not feel sad.
Replace the Loss. I am pretty sure most of my generation has heard after a relationship breakup, “Don’t feel bad; there are plenty of fish in the sea.” I’m not sure if that was supposed to make us feel better, but in actuality, it made it worse. It implies that we should not wait and grieve over the loss of the relationship, but instead move on right away and replace the old one with a new one. That can’t be healthy. Maybe that is why so many people have a revolving door in relationships—maybe even two at one time, in case one of them doesn’t work out. No wonder there are so many divorces these days. This one did not fit me.
Keep Busy. Speaking from experience, I can say I became a workaholic just so I didn’t have to think after the suicides of my two friends. Keep busy. Keep working. Don’t think about it. It’s much easier than facing your grief. In reality, it’s worse, because you don’t end up facing your grief at all. Yes—I thought as long as I kept busy, I was all right.

All relationships are unique—no comparison and no exceptions.

I am also reading The Grief Recovery Handbook for Pet Loss – John W. James, Russell Friedman and John W. James

I started to talk about Kula a little bit again, and I am writing about my feelings and letting some friends know what I am going through, which is helping me.

I went to see the new movie A Dog’s Purpose. I cried a lot and thought about Kula and miss her a lot.

Now I started to talk to Kula once again and using animal communications that I have learned. She supports my feelings and told me “Mommy, I love you and miss you too. Please take all your time, you are all right! I am here for you no matter what.”

I am thinking of trying a support group meeting or taking a workshop to learn more.

If any of you are interested here is their website.

Bach Flower remedy and a homeopathic remedy are also very good to take during grieving period, as well as using essential oil and a healing crystal power stone. I would like to share about it in my next blog.

If you are going through grieving, please share also!

With my love,

Sanae

Bach Flower for Holidays’ Stress

Ohhhh, the end of the season of holidays is here again.

I may look like a fun person who loves to socialize, but I actually am not so good with holidays and lots of people, so the end of the year can be very stressful for me.
I have been helping myself using Bach Flower Remedy since 1993 after I was diagnosed ovarian cancer. Bach Flower Remedy have been helping my stress, PTSD, addiction and other mental/emotional issues.

Depending on each person’s mental/mind and emotional conditions remedy changes, but generally, I recommend below three Bach Flower remedies for the holiday season . This remedy also helps furry animals (dogs, cats, other animals and plants).

Rescue Remedy – helps overall stress.

White Chestnut – helps deal with repeated, unwanted thoughts, mental arguments, concentration, sleeplessness, and insomnia.

Walnut – helps for protection from outside influences and energies.

The key is mixing all three remedies together in a Bach Flower Mixing bottle (2oz) with purified water.

Mixing directions:

Add 4 drops of Rescue Remedy, 2 drops each of White Chestnut and Walnut.

Bach Flower helped me so much for my recovery so I really wanted to learn more about Bach Flower and I decided to study in 1995 and became a Bach Flower Center’s registered practitioner in 2001. I have been offering Bach Flower Remedy consultation in a person or by phone/Skype/Facetime.
If you are interested, contact me at Sanaehealing@gmail.com.

Miracle of Maple Tree Recover!

I planted three maple trees by the side of our North Fork mountain cabin front gate in 2005.

North Fork is a beautiful mountain forest, but most of them are evergreen pine trees, so I wanted my husband to feel his home of Quebec and my home country of Japan to see the leaves change color to red.

One of them got severely injured almost four years ago (March 2013) by a car backing up the tree and breaking the main trunk.

Nobody thought this tree (she) would make it, but I thought I could help her.

Photo: Wounded maple tree trunk with a little remedy glue that I made. Sorry for the out-of-focus.

I made a special remedy glue with soft-cooked brown rice and barley to mend her.

This idea came from an old traditional story of “Shitakiri Suzume” (translated literally into “Tongue-Cut Sparrow“, is one of Japanese fairy tale – a kind old man, his mean wife and an injured sparrow story. One day, when sparrow ate glue (made with rice) , the wife got upset and cut tongue of sparrow…

Most people could not believe the glue that I made with grains would help this maple tree recover, but I knew she would; miracles can happen and guess what?….she came back!

Photo: The maple tree with remedy glue of soft-cooked brown rice and barley that I made for her.

Photo: Special remedy glue was made in my suribachi (earthenware mortar).

Because of drought, many trees did not survive the last few years, and two other maple trees I planted did not make it either — but the one I helped to mend survived! Can you believe?
She started to show beautiful autumn colors from the following year even more beautiful than before.

Many of our North Fork friends told us how beautiful she became, but she showed the red leaves before Thanksgiving week so we didn’t see her color because we usually visited North Fork on Thanksgiving week after labor day weekend.

I finally saw her beautiful autumn color when I went back to Vipassana 10 days meditation in North Fork two years ago (2014) before Thanksgiving week.

She was so beautiful and made me feel so happy.

I took the photo below with her to show Eric.

Photo:The maple tree was getting better to show red leaves in 2014.

This year, our friend of Noth Fork told us how beautiful the maple tree showing her red leave’s color again so I talked to her before Thanksgiving week and asked her if she could keep the red leaves for us to see, especially for Eric since he never saw her with red leaves. She said she will do her best and she kept her promise for us so Eric and I were able to see these beautiful leaves for the first time on Thanksgiving weekend together.

I feel the tree is thanking us by showing her beautiful color every year because I helped her to come back. I named her “Thank you (Arigatou) Maple Tree”.

Everything is a miracle when you believe it and not give up before the miracle happens.

I took the bandage out for her and express my gratitude to “Thank you (Arigatou), Maple tree”.

Photo: The maple tree’s wound is all healed so we took the bandage out this year 2016.

Photo: The maple tree is showing most beautiful leaves this year in 2016.

This is 2016 photo of miracle arigatou (thank you) maple photo.

with my love,

Sanae 💖

Take Care of Your Kidneys – Ginger Compress Hands On Workshop

The kidneys are more active in the winter season and they do not like cold weather, so this is a good time to take care of them.

Your kidneys’ health is connected to:

Maintaining blood pressure
Controlling blood glucose levels for those with diabetes
Maintaining cholesterol levels
Helping regulates or loses weight
Relieving back, knee and joint pain
Reducing swelling
Helping/Preventing skin problems
And more!

Azuki Remedy Drink with Kombu Sea Vegetable and Umeboshi Plum

In this class, you will learn:

How to make an adzuki bean remedy drink to help regulate kidney functions
How to make the azuki bean sweet which is gentle for the kidneys
How to make and apply a ginger compress to help dissolve stagnation and tension and to stimulate blood circulation for the kidneys and other areas
Meridian points for strengthening the kidneys
Exercises to stimulate for the kidneys

What you need for Ginger Compress

This warkshop is a hands-on class so you make your own Ginger Compress and apply it over your kidneys or/and other areas that you want.

Please bring a 1-gallon stainless pot (so you can take your ginger compress with you and use it one more time at home), also at least two washcloths and two hand towels for your ginger compress, and a blanket (for you lie on the floor).

Date: Sunday, Oct. 30, 2016

Time: 2~5pm

Location: Studio “mugen” 2610 23rd St. Santa Monica, CA 90405

Fee: $60

Only 5 people can be taken this workshop!

http://www.meetup.com/Vegan-Macrobiotic-Community-Meetup-Group/events/234849170/

If you want to attend the class, please email me sanaehealing@gmail.com

Love,

Sanae💖