Sanae’s Story |

Growing Healthy, Beautiful Hair After Chemotherapy

I post my blog “Shaving My Hair After Chemotherapy” on July 28th, 2017 after I shaved my hair.

I’d heard that one of the side effects of chemotherapy was that my hair was going to fall out after three weeks. My hair was falling out almost two weeks after the first chemotherapy.

There is a saying in Japan, “Hair is women’s lives,” and I loved my mother’s long hair, so I really enjoyed growing my hair most of my life.
I was sad in the beginning to lose my hair.
I could not bear seeing the pillow covered with it when I got up in the morning.
I decided to shave my head so I would not have to see my hair fall out everyday.
I asked Eric to shave my head.
I felt at ease and refreshed, and I did not feel sad.

Photo: I felt refreshed after Eric shaved my head!

But I was so weak and so much pain after the third cycle of chemotherapy.
I lost even eyebrows and had no strength to get up most of the time.

Photo: After the third cycle of chemotherapy – lost even eyebrow.

I got used to not having hair and eyebrows eventually, but my head was feeling the wind and feeling cooler and I could not find something I like to wear so I decided to hand-knitted a hat to wear.

Photo: A pretty pink color linen yarn that I started to knit for my chemo hat last summer.

Photo: Here is my linen hat and me.

As the weather changed to winter, my head got very cold, so I made the hat with thick cotton and later with cashmere and wool hat and sometimes I even slept in my hat.

After I completed six rounds of chemotherapy, I noticed my hair is starting to grow slowly.
I wanted to help my hair grow to be healthy and beautiful again, so I thought about making an essential oil blend for my hair.

There are many different blends you can make for growing healthy, beautiful hair.
My choice is blending with helichrysum, rosemary and lavender with Bach Flower Rescue Remedy (this blend is not only for people who lost hair because of chemotherapy. It helps anybody to promote healthy beautiful hair, but good for men who are bald because massage your scalp helps to enhance blood circulation in your head and neck area to loosen tight areas. Also, scalp massages can support to calm your spirit and relax your body which aid to promote good sleep).

Helichrysum essential oil is regenerative to all body tissues. Its regenerative qualities support healthy scalp tissue and sebum production, and it helps improve blood circulation to the scalp.
This encourages blood and nutrient flow to the hair follicles, which improves their growth rate.
I used helichrysum oil to repair the skin on my legs after I had a life-threatening car crash; it helped me avoid needing a skin graft.

Rosemary is packed with antioxidants, which can prevent thinning and even graying hair.
It’s another essential oil that promotes blood circulation, so it’s perfect for stimulating hair follicles and growth.

Lavender essential oil improves blood circulation when massaged into the scalp, can prevent hair loss, and promotes hair growth. Furthermore, it is a powerful moisturizer, antimicrobial and antiseptic. It balances sebum production and is ideal for those who suffer from dandruff.

Bach Flower Rescue Remedy mix was created by Dr. Bach to deal with emergencies and crises – It can be used to help us get through any stressful situations, from driving LA traffic jam, last-minute exam or interview nerves, to the aftermath of an accident or bad news or cancer.

Essential Oil Blend for Growing Healthy, Beautiful Hair

4 drops helichrysum essential oil
4 drops rosemary essential oil
5 drops lavender essential oil
2 oz (4 tablespoons) rosehip, castor or jojoba oil
4 drops of Bach Flower Rescue Remedy

Mix ingredients in a 2-oz bottle.
Massage the blend into the scalp. Leave in for 1–2 hours, or overnight, and then shampoo out.

Precautions to Take When Using Essential Oils for Hair Growth

If you are not sure how to properly use essential oils for hair growth, ask the advice of your doctor, a licensed natural health practitioner, or an aroma therapist.
If you are pregnant, suffer from hypertension, or have epilepsy, you should avoid rosemary essential oil. Again, ask your doctor, a licensed natural health practitioner, or an aroma therapist.
Although reactions are rare with proper use, always perform a skin patch test before using a new essential oil to ensure you will not have an allergic reaction to it.

Source

I started massaging my head with my blend everyday after chemotherapy.
Can you see how much my hair has grown by this photo which is after ten weeks since the last chemotherapy, and that my eyebrows are growing too, right?

It will take a long time for me to grow long hair again, but I am enjoying massaging my head and supporting my hair to grow beautifully again.

Now it has been about 16 weeks since the last chemotherapy, can you see my hair has grown so much!

Another thing what helps to grow healthy, beautiful hair is eating sea vegetables.
I eat kombu (using kombu to cook whole grains and making a miso soup everyday), wakame, nori (I make condiment with wakame or nori) everyday.

I would like to share my recipes of Wakame and Nori condiment in the near future.
I post Red Radish & Wakame Pressed Pickle Salad recipe about one year ago so you can check it right now. Wakame is springtime sea vegetable!

Eating sea vegetables also helps to make a blood alkaline, clear your skin and supports to build strong bones.

Also, eating green leafy vegetables (kale, collard green, mustard green, daikon and red radish top green etc.) cooking water sautéed or steam is the best. Using oil for cooking too often clog up the scalp.

As I wrote on my blog, “Shaving My Hair After Chemotherapy” when I shaved my head, I had an image of the famous Sinéad O’Connor’s shaved head and told myself it would maybe grow into a short Annie Lennox hairstyle after chemotherapy. They are beautiful women, so here I am. I feel beautiful without long hair. Don’t you think so?

Love,

Sanae 💖

Stronger Than I’ve Ever Been

I wanted to write a newsletter for December, but I was not able to write.
I started to write New Year newsletter in January, but I was not able to finish.
I felt I needed to rest and focus on my recovery.
So, here I just finished writing the newsletter in English and will send it this morning.

My newest PET scan (which I had on February 1, 2018) results were not bad,
but not as good as I wanted them to be.
It got 1.00 mm smaller than before, but the SUV brightness went up 0.48 (I explained what is SUV on my blog on November 21).
My oncologist, Dr. Mead, said I do not have to worry so much, because the biopsy I received on December 14, 2017, showed that this SUV is not active. But I was sad when I heard the results.

I have been taking care of myself everyday with macrobiotic healing foods and other holistic modalities.
I started feeling more strength around mid-January so I believed cancer had left my liver, but I have a high-grade lymphoma (Dr. Mead explained that lymphoma has different grades, which I did not know; high-grade is a more aggressive and critical cancer) and a very rare cancer.
I have learned that the cancer is still in my liver. I have to take another PET scan in two months, but I do not have to have more chemotherapy “RICE”, which is a blessing.

However, I wanted my SUV result to be lower than before so much.
I was sad and suddenly felt very tired all over. I know in my heart that my body needs more time to heal and I must support my body and mind, but I did not know how to continue.
I just felt I needed to rest from the full-time work of recovery.
I did not know where I could get the strength to keep going.

Then I heard this song, “Stronger Than I’ve Ever Been” by Kaleena Zanders.

It was introduced to me by the Toyota Super Bowl 2018 commercial “Good Odds.”
The odds of winning a Paralympic gold medal are almost 1 billion to one. This film follows the journey of Lauren Woolstencroft, who beat the odds to win eight Paralympic gold medals. Some of you probably saw it. My body shivered when I watched it, and this song connected with me very deeply.

I am not a Paralympic gold medalist, but I am a gold-medal survivor of two cancers and a near-death car accident, and these lyrics gave me a similar feeling of all the challenges I have faced in my life:

If you knock me down

I get up again, I get up again

Born unstoppable

I get up again

Now I’m stronger than I’ve ever been

If cancer knocks me down,
I get up again.
If chemotherapy knocks me down,
I get up again.
If neuropathy knocks me down,
I get up again.
Born unstoppable,
I get up again.
Now I’m stronger than I’ve ever been.

This song was in my head all night, even while I was sleeping, so I decided to write about it here.
I am grateful for this song.
When I got up this morning, even my legs had been giving me much pain from neuropathy. (Both my legs are seriously injured from my 2001 car crash, and I have been living with neuropathy pain. The chemotherapy I received last year added more neuropathy, so I have more pain everyday, and it is hard to get up.)
I am ready to start the morning with my recovery routine, singing this song and feeling stronger than I’ve ever been.

Thank Kaleena Zanders and Toyota!

Love with my strength of the recovery,
Sanae 💖

Happy Valentine’s Day 2018!

My first Valentine’s Day memory was when I baked cookies the first time, I was sweet 16!
The cookies were for a man I admired, Richard Kermode, who played keyboard for Santana. I had met him when I went to see Santana’s concert. He was also in a band of my favorite American woman rock singer, Janis Joplin and played Woodstock concert (The Woodstock Music & Art Fair) in 1969.
Since my mother did not do any baking, we did not have an oven, so I asked to get a small toaster oven for our house. I had to wait to use the kitchen after we finished cleaning up dinner.
I think I started after 8 pm and finished after midnight.
February in my hometown of Nagoya, Japan, had no snow, but it was cold.

The cookies came out delicious, and I packed them to send to Richard in San Francisco.
I was so exited to go to the post office the next day, but I caught a cold, and a few days later, I got really sick with a fever. My mom thought it was because I’d stayed up so late making cookies. I got a high fever and ended up being in bed for one week.
But I got a phone call from Richard and was able to talk to him because I was sick and did not go to school. He really loved the cookies, so it made my cold go away.
When I was a teenager, I was fat (had a bulimia) and did not have a boyfriend, so this was a beautiful memory of Valentine’s Day.

Since I met Eric, he has been taking me out to Valentine’s Day dinner and giving me gifts. I usually make my own calligrahy card and a gift for him (a part of my Valentine card for Eric this year I put on the top of this blog – A heart wreath with many small hearts by water colors and Italic calligrahy).

This year, I told him I wanted to stay home, so he surprised me with a new ukulele and a card said,
“To my Valentine, Sanae…All my love on this special day and everyday! Love, Eric”.

How sweet Eric is and I really felt how much he loves me even I was diagnosed cancer twice (in 1993 & 2017), and became disabled because of the car accident I had in 2001. I am learning true love with Eric’s love. I am a lucky person to experience his love so I have a mission to get well.

Ukulele sounds were always so soothing and healing to me, ever since I went to Hawaii for the first time when I was 17 years old. Eric and I started practicing ukulele a few years ago and taking classes. Eric plays very well, but I am not so good yet. I just enjoy being with him and doing something together.

Because I was diagnosed lymphoma (Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma -DLBCL Primary non-Hodgkin of Liver) last year, I could not practice anymore, so we stopped going to class. When the new year came, I felt I had enough strength, so we decided to try going back to class just a couple times a month. But I found that my ukulele had cracked; I had a soft case, so it must have bumped into something. It was still okay for practice, so I have been using it, but I knew I had to get one sooner or later.

Photo: You can see a crack just around Jake’s autograph.

Eric found a ukulele specialty store, U-Space in Little Tokyo (in Downtown L.A.), so I just wanted to see what they have there.

Photo: Eric with our Nalu (she was a little shy) with U-Space’s Jason.

Photo: Jason’s CD!

Photo: With Jason and owner of U-Space, Patrice.

We met Jason (who is a ukulele teacher and has a CD) and the shop owner, Patrice; they were so kind and attentive. They has so many beatiful and great sounds ukulele. Of course, I loved some of the ukuleles there, so I thought I would save up money to buy one for my birthday in April. But Eric said, let’s get one with a hard case now for a Valentine’s Day gift.
I was surprised and so happy.
I promised myself I am going to practice everyday, even just 10 minutes, so I can play better with Eric.
I also think ukulele sounds help me to recover from Lymphoma smoothly.

Photo: My new ukulele, Kohaleha!

Now our friends Masako and Michiyo have joined our ukulele class, and our friend Kyoko will join soon.
Would you like to join us?
Our teacher is Dan of Dan How Music on 17^th Street in Santa Monica. He has no website or Facebook page, so you’ll need to contact him at Dan How <danwayn@gmail.com>.

Photo: With uur ukulele teacher, Dan.

Photo: With Masako (right) and Michiyo (next to Masako).

We would like to have a ukulele recital potluck someday.
Hope you come!

Love,
Sanae 💖

New Year/Year of Dog 2018!

Happy New Year /Year of dog 2018 to everyone!

Photo: Our HHP (Healthy Happy Pooches) photos were chosen to be 音Japanese Paper “NIKKAN SAN”. They are in the center, Kula is also just right side below with a yellow flower and Nalu is the third one from the bottom right.

I love dogs (and cats, but there is no cat year except tiger), so I feel very good about this year.

I also want this to be a really good year for recovery from the lymphoma (Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) Primary non-Hodgkin of Liver Stage Ⅳ – I got this cancer because of Hepatitis C from the blood transfusion I received after my car accident in 2001) I got last year.
I meant to write a New Year blog sooner, but Eric took a private cooking job in Aspen for one week after Christmas, so I was home with just my dog and cat family.

Being alone for the first time since I got lymphoma, and taking care of myself and my animal family (we have six dogs and two cats) on my own, took a lot of time and made me tired. I have learned not to do too much, so I did not write the newsletter and blogs.

I was able to go to a New Year’s Eve gathering at my friend, Michiyo’s house, where I had traditional Japanese New Year foods and watched a Japanese New Year’s Eve TV show. It was fun, but I felt more tired, so I decided not to go see the annual New Year’s sunrise in the mountains. I did wake up early, though, so I just went up on the rooftop of my house with my dog family to see the beautiful New Year sunrise and the still-visible super full moon.

Poto: New Year Sunrise from my rooftop.

I missed Eric not being with me, but I felt it was a lesson for me to learn about taking care of and loving myself on my own.

After Eric came back, I was still so tired.
I realized that after I’d received the good biopsy results and then taken care of myself while Eric was away, the tension that had built up for some time in my body and mind was released. I felt like tiredness took over and I could sleep for days. It took almost a month for me to feel all right.

Of course, I still have some chemotherapy side effects, so I am taking it easy and not doing too much (believe it or not, this is the hardest thing for me to do). But I started going to a dog training class for Nalu (our newest dog, whom we adopted last year while I was taking chemotherapy and wrote my blog “Adopting a Puppy Brought Cheerfulness to Cancer Household“) and went to ukulele class just twice (it was so much fun with Eric and Masako).

Photo: Regain my health back to be able to go ukulele class again.

I practice meditation everyday for an hour, and most of the day, I apply moxa over the lymphoma (liver), cook a little bit, and do a little bit of yoga/qigong.

Thursday, February 1 this year, is my 33-year sobriety birthday (I am going to an AA meeting to get my birthday cake, yeah!). It is also the day I’ll get my PET scan test again. I think it is going to be good this time, so I am not scared.
The following week, I will see my oncologist, Dr. Mead to get the results, so I will write again to let you know.

Thank you so much to everyone who has been supporting me.

With Gratitude,

Sanae 💖

P.S.

Chinese New Year this year is February 16. I usually follow old Japanese calendar of February 4 as New Year, so every new year in January, I start to sink into how I feel in the new year and write down on paper what my heart wishes. I think that this is a good practice for everyone to start the year productively.

According to the Chinese horoscope, 2018 – the Year of the Earth Dog – is a good time for lifestyle changes (quitting smoking or changing residence) and for the start of new business ventures.

It’s also expected that some of us will experience short periods of loneliness or transient melancholy; however, that should nourish the most sensitive and most creative minds amongst us. For others, these moments can result in a flutter in the implementation of their life plans, which will then be delayed until the following year.

Individuals whose energy map of Chinese astrology elements shows an excess of Water and Wood will be more susceptible than others to the specific fluctuations of 2018.

[Source]

What Year 2018 Will Be Like For You

🐭 Rat – People born in 1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996 or 2008 are members of the Rat Chinese Zodiac sign. A Rat is an underdog when it faces a Dog. But Rat is very smart. It can steal the Dog’s food at night safely. The short prediction of Rat versus Dog of 2018 is your Reward is Required a Challenge…
🐮 Ox – People born in 1913, 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997 or 2009 are members of the Cow Chinese Zodiac sign. Cow and Dog are good neighbors. Cow is conservative and Dog is much more aggressive. Cow likes to have savings and Dog likes to invest. They need to find a balance point to work together. The short prediction of Cow versus Dog of 2018 is to Invest Money Cautiously…
🐯 Tiger – People born in 1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998 or 2010 are members of the Tiger Chinese Zodiac sign. Tiger has the leadership skill. Dog is a diligent partner. Tiger and Dog can work as a team. The short prediction of Tiger versus Dog of 2018 is Good Career Opportunity is coming…
🐰 Rabbit – People born in 1915, 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999 or 2011 are members of the Rabbit Chinese Zodiac sign. Dog guards the farmland and expels the intruders. Rabbit lives underground. They can find a way to get along well. Rabbit can take this advantage to expand its territory. The short prediction of Rabbit versus Dog of 2018 is your Diligence Brings Good Income…
🐲 Dragon – People born in 1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000 or 2012 are members of the Dragon Chinese Zodiac sign. Dragon can be in the sky, on the ground, and under the water. It is a symbol of power. Dog is a guardian of the farmland. Dragon is far superior to Dog. However, Dog is in charge of 2018. Dragon needs to communicate with Dog on the ground. The short prediction of Dragon versus Dog of 2018 is Humble Brings Good Reputation…
🐍 Snake – People born in 1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001 or 2013 are members of the Snake Chinese Zodiac sign. Snakes are active when the sun is warming the ground. They hide and sleep after sunset. Dog is connected to the time from 7:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. Dog tells Snake it is the time to rest. The short prediction of Snake versus Dog of 2018 is to Recharge and Wait for Opportunity…
🐴 Horse -People born in 1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002 or 2014 are members of the Horse Chinese Zodiac sign. Horse is the fastest animal for long distance traveling on the ground. Horse likes to compete with others during the day. Dog Hour is between 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. That means Dog tells Horse to stop running. The short prediction of Horse versus Dog of 2018 is the Take a Rest First and Save Energy for Tomorrow…
🐐 Goat -People born in 1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003 or 2015 are members of the Sheep Chinese Zodiac sign. Sheep and Dog are respecting neighbors in the farmland. Dog acts as a captain to lead Sheep when going out. Sheep receives the protection from Dog during the working days. The short prediction of Sheep versus Dog of 2018 is the Hardworking Sheep Can Bring Rewards Home…
🐵 Monkey – People born in 1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004 or 2016 are members of the Monkey Chinese Zodiac sign. Monkey is active, aggressive, energetic, impatient and naughty. Dog can watch the Monkey’s behaviors and stop Monkey’s bad movements. Monkey needs to calm down when staying in Dog’s territory. The short prediction of Monkey versus Dog of 2018 is to Ask Second Opinion Before Taking Action…
🐔 Rooster – People born in 1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 969, 1981, 1993, 2005 or 2017 are members of the Chicken Chinese Zodiac sign. Chicken and Dog are neighbors in the farmland. Dog can be the Chicken’s bodyguard. Dog and Chicken are connected to autumn. It’s a season of harvest. It’s a time of good income. The short prediction of Chicken versus Dog of 2018 is Don’t Miss Money and Career Opportunity…
🐶 Dog – People born in 1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006 or 2018 are members of the Dog Chinese Zodiac sign. Dogs together could fight for bones. Dogs usually have a conflict of interest. When the other Dog is in charge of 2018, then we need to listen to it. Or we need to deal and work with it. The short prediction of Dog versus Dog of 2018 is to Take Conservative Approach to Face Competition…
🐷 Pig – People born in 1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007 or 2019 are members of the Pig Chinese Zodiac sign. Pig likes an easy and peaceful life. Dog likes to manipulate the Pig. Dog brings pressure on Pig. Pig needs to be smart when dealing with Dog’s offensive behaviors. The short prediction of Pig versus Dog of 2018 is your Wisdom Can Remove Obstacles…

[Source]

The Best Christmas Gift！

What a year 2017 was!

Starting with my fever, my body was showing the sign of cancer already in January, but I did not find out right away.

Since I had ovarian cancer in 1993 it was always in the back of my mind that it may come back.
But I was taking care of myself to the best of my ability through macrobiotics, which I have been practicing since I got ovarian cancer.
After 24 years of good health I believe that I would not have cancer anymore so I was very shocked, sad and felt very strained feelings when I was diagnosed with Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) Primary non-Hodgkin of Liver Stage Ⅳ (I got this cancer because of Hepatitis C from the blood transfusion I received after my car accident in 2001) in early spring.

I thought I was able to recover again with macrobiotics and holistic way, but I did not feel I had a good connection and support with my first oncologist. Cancer grew very quickly and I felt that I was dying.
I felt that I had to found a new oncologist and two of my friends helped me to find Dr. Mead very quickly.
When I went to see Dr. Mead for the first time on May 17th, she told me that 90% of my liver was taking over by cancer. She told me that I had only weeks to live.
There was no choice except taking chemotherapy in order for me to save my life so I did 6 rounds of chemotherapy as I was told.
It was not what I imagine to heal myself and it was one of hardest challenges I had to take in my life.
I kept my macrobiotics practice and I did my best during the treatments.

Writing helps my mind to be clear and also heals my soul so I have been writing my blogs about how I faced chemotherapy with side effects and to live. If you missed them, please find time to read.

Cancer is Back!

Only Weeks to Live

My First Chemotherapy

Side Effects of Chemotherapy and Neulasta

Emotional Side Effects of Chemotherapy and How to Help Them

Shaving My Hair After Chemotherapy

Chemotherapy & Wedding Anniversary

Chemo Sucks!

Adopting a Puppy Brought Cheerfulness to Cancer Household

Advice from a Sunflower

After the Sixth Round of Chemotherapy

No Matter What I Am Thankful and Live One Day At A Time!

After sixth rounds of chemotherapy I was hoping to receive good news before Thanksgiving, but the PET Scan shows in an activity of Lymphoma in my liver, so I had to do another biopsy in mid-December.

Most biopsies are not so painful, but a liver biopsy can cause pain and breathing difficulties after the procedure.
When I did biopsy early this year I had so much pain and was not able to breathe normally. I also could hardly move, so I stayed in bed for a week, and the pain lasted over three weeks.

I felt so much tension before the biopsy this time and the stress caused pain on my liver on the front side and even back side. I was scared that the lymphoma was acting up, and I would have to endure another grueling round of chemotherapy (RICE).

Thankfully, the biopsy results were good, this was the best Christmas gift and to start New Year.

I need to monitor continuously and have to take PET Scan on February 1, 2018. But this was the best news this year!

I credit all of you for your continued support and well wishes.
Thank you so much!

Here are some photos that I took over the holidays.

Eric Santa Claus with his assistants: Mai Mai Lani (new kitty), Nalu and Happy.

Getting Christmas gifts: left to right – Happy, Oro, Leo, Nalu, Bubu and Lumi.

Tin Tin caught cold and coughing

Have a happy healthy New Year!

Love, Sanae 💖

P.S. After I heard good news Eric took me to see the sunset at the beach and we saw SpaceX Falcin9 as below with beautiful moon. I felt seeing it was a good sign for my recovery.

No Matter What I Am Thankful and Live One Day At A Time!

After six rounds of chemotherapy, life started to move very fast.
I got stressed not only from the chemotherapy side effects, but from things to take care of: my computer crashed so I was not able to write a blog and newsletter for October; one of my dog family got sick and had to have surgery (she is recovering very quickly), and there have been more stressful incidents which I am not going to write about here.
Because of all the stress, I changed my PET scan date so I could feel all right while taking it. However, this was my third PET scan so I had gotten used to the procedure and everything went smoothly.

My oncologist, Dr. Mead, said it would be about three days to get PET scan results and she would contact me about them.
After five days, I still hadn’t heard from her so I was anxious and sent her an email.
She replied very quickly and said she had called me twice, but hadn’t wanted to leave her message on voicemail. Uh oh. She explained that there was an area on the PET scan she worried might be residual lymphoma. She wants me to do a biopsy and she asked me to come to see her next day.

My body immediately felt tight and my mind got dark. I was really hoping that I would receive “No more cancer” news, but the reality was not so simple.
It was a long 24 hours.

Eric and I went to see Dr. Mead.
She was not smiling like the previous times I’d seen her; I felt that she looked sad when she came in. She showed me PET scan test results and explained them to us carefully:

Here are three different PET scan results I’ve had in 2017:

April 27: Tumor size: 138mm x 82mm. SUV max 35.6
July 5: Tumor size: 57mm x 35mm. SUV max 2.4
November 8: Tumor size: 35mm x 32mm. SUV max 4.0

You can see that the tumor has only shrunk, and apparently a small amount of necrotic (dead) material left after chemo is not unusual, so the tumor size didn’t bother Dr. Mead. It was the SUV numbers that gave her concern.

So what is SUV?
It means Standardized Uptake Value, and it’s a measure of the amount of glucose that the affected area is taking up during the scan. The more glucose being absorbed, the more active the area is, and because cancer is very hungry for glucose, that can be a sign of cancer. The higher the SUV, the more aggressive cancer.

Dr. Mead explained that the normal limit of SUV is 3, so when I took PET Scan in July it was already within a normal range and Dr. Mead was so pleased with that result. However, in November, the SUV went up to outside the normal range, to 4.

Now 4 isn’t a very high number, and it could mean two things: either the Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) Primary non-Hodgkin in my liver is very aggressive and it hasn’t been completely eradicated (yet), or it’s simply inflammation. Inflammation can produce higher than normal SUV numbers. In order to find out and make sure I must get another biopsy. Ugh.

I mentioned my first biopsy in my June 8^th blog.

I had to be in a bed because of pain for one week and the pain lasted for more than three weeks (a liver biopsy has to go through ribcage so the side effect is a pain).

I am scared to take the biopsy so I told Dr. Mead about how I feel.
She said, “You were already very sick and weak the last time when you had the biopsy so hopefully this time you won’t have the same pain experience.”
She might be right because I am feeling better now than the last time I had the biopsy so I am encouraging myself to take the biopsy.

Dr. Mead explained also what would happen after biopsy:

If it is only inflammation, then I just do another PET scan six weeks later.
But if it is a relapse of the lymphoma, then I have to do a different chemotherapy.
It will be very strong so it has be done only in the hospital and I would also have to do a stem cell transplant (bone marrow transplant).
It is scary to hear about a chemotherapy that’s even stronger than the one I just had!

People have told me how strong I am, how positive I am, and how I am inspiring them, but inside, I feel so scared.
I do not feel strong and positive.
I am not inspiring myself.

When I didn’t get a good PET scan result, I immediately blamed myself: “What did I do wrong?
Is it that oily Chinese food I ate when I went to Japanese friends gathering?

Photo: Completing six rounds of chemotherapy gathering for Japanese friends.

Or is it that vegan donut I ate?
Or vegan chocolate cookie I ate at Cafe Gratitude when I had English speaking friends gathering?”

Photo: Completing six rounds of chemotherapy gathering for English speaking friends.

Eric was in shock when we came home from Dr. Mead office.
He sat down and looked far away. I saw that he was not able to do anything for a while.
I did not want to see him suffer, so I said: “I am sorry that I am not healthy, or young (I am 12 years older than him) and am a bitchy wife.” That word caught his attention and he looked at me said “bitchy?” and smiled.

I talked to my good friend, Jessica Porter, who has been helping me with her friendship and hypnotherapy.
She, of course reminded me “one day at a time” and not to blame myself.
“We have all seen what you’ve gone through and no one else is blaming you”, she said.

My maple tree in North Fork is showing beautiful autumn color around Thanksgiving time- read how I save this maple tree – https://www.sanaesuzuki.com/2016/12/02/miracle-maple-tree-recover/

I realized Thanksgiving is coming soon.
It would be perfect if I had good news of my recovery here for Thanksgiving.
So it’s not a perfect Thanksgiving, but no matter what, I have one day at a time to live right now and I am thankful for my life with Eric and our animal family.

I received a list of appreciation from a new friend, Michael Sieverts, who teaches Qigong for the Cancer Support Community. He said if your appreciation list seems too small, change what you can so that you can appreciate more. We need to spend at least as much time on cultivating our soul’s expansion as we do on what causes us suffering.
I really like what he sent me.

This Thanksgiving I appreciate whatever goodness life is giving me: friendship (that includes you); good health; plant-based macrobiotic foods; interesting career; my love for animals; interesting hobbies (organic garden, photography, writing, knitting, bead jewelry, calligraphy etc. ); good movies/ books/shows/theater, and whatever gives me joy (this morning joy is writing this and enjoying morning sun with my cat, Tin Tin. I am wearing my favorite flannel PJ and organic thick winter socks).

Photo: Morning light with my beloved cat, Tin Tin.

I could go on and on with my appreciation list . . . I hope your list is long and gives you joy.

Thank you so much!

Love, Sanae💖

Thank you for your prayers and continuous support.

We are grateful and invite you to help us at this time by YouCaring Fundraising to Support Sanae’s Recovery from Cancer or purchasing our books directly from us to cover my medical expenses.

Here are our books:

Love, Sanae